Hardly Evil at All

I bet if you took all the evil people in the world and laid them end to end (but not in any dirty kind of way), you would be surprised to find that not one of them was Me.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

I Believe I Have a Constitutional Right to NOT Like Fish, and NOT Get Hassled About It. (But I've been wrong before)

I don't understand fish. I don't like fish.  I don't want to see them, touch them, learn about them, eat them, or (ever since that fatal field trip) DREAM about them!  They are only a little below the rank of Birds, which fall just below the rank of Spiders and Other Bugs, with Snakes still #1, because there's nothing I know that's worth the price of spending time with snakes.  Snakes are the twisty bastard children of Medusa and Satan and I prefer not to associate with anybody or anything that much more evil than myself, ThankYouVeryMuch. 
I recently discovered that I reallllly don't like giant aquariums with real live people dressed exactly like those little plastic scuba guys that everybody used to have in their aquariums, next to the "treasure" chest, at their houses when I was growing up.
At the aquarium on the field trip, I was captivated by the Scuba guys with the Data (from Star Trek The Next Generation) skin tone, assuming they were fun, GIANT versions of the plastic home fake ones, and then I felt scared and confused when they turned out to be real people.  And they were very close.  And could probably SEE me through the thick glass, staring at them.  And I'm pretty sure they were all serial killers, too, because who the FUCK else would put such an ugly costume on and flap around in front of other people's children, shoving fish into OTHER fish's mouths for a living?  Thanks for the nightmares, New Orleans!
FUCK fish.  Good night.
***in this random free online pic, can't you just HEAR him singing that Call me, maybe song? 
But, he's saying stuff like: Call me, so I can make a REAL skin suit!  That last chick was waaay too skinny and I don't wanna be the only one at the party in an open-back suit, so call me, okay? 

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