Hardly Evil at All

I bet if you took all the evil people in the world and laid them end to end (but not in any dirty kind of way), you would be surprised to find that not one of them was Me.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Meet Reluctant Farmer

Dear Martha Stewart,

HELP!!!
Approximately 32 bazillion (a little over half a container) of these "glass seed beads" spilled between the bed and nightstand. 
My question is, how long do I have to prepare- before the crops start coming in?  Also, now that I've become a Reluctant Bead Farmer, do I have to water them, or will they automatically absorb the correct amount of moisture from the environment?

Sincerely,
A Reluctant Bead Farmer

P.S.  PLEASE tell me that these are the kind of beads that grow on neatly harvest-able vines!!!

Friday, January 3, 2014

Tentative title for tentative family autobiography

How Hunters Accidentally Created a Gatherer:  The True* Story of the Goats of Christmas Past
*Although I'm pretty sure it wasn't actually Christmas, I AM one hundred percent certain it was goats.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

New Year's Revelations

It's kind of too late now, seeing as how G1 is off to college later this year.  I am quickly running out of opportunities to casually instill not-quite-normal "totally normal" ideas, habits, and traditions in my group of captive (so to speak), susceptible, highly moldable, human specimens.  Because it will make their adult lives more interesting.
Thanks a lot, Father Time, for bringing it up again, really.  "Happy" New Year, Time Daddy!
P.S.  This is kind of why that nursing home you are headed for is gonna suck.