Hardly Evil at All

I bet if you took all the evil people in the world and laid them end to end (but not in any dirty kind of way), you would be surprised to find that not one of them was Me.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Hello, Cop. Did you pull me over just to make a new Friend? If so, THAT'S the reason I was speeding!

There's just no way around it- I WILL one day get tazed and/or arrested.
Last time I got pulled over, it was already dark, but I had spotted the cop car waaaaay in advance, "hiding" in plain sight on the side of the road, so I was obviously going the speed limit on my way to work (like I always do anyway, wink-wink), and he got on the road behind me and put his lights all on!  For the first time ever, I DIDN'T KNOW FULL WELL why I was being stopped.
He strolled up and asked me if I had been rear-ended?  (What kind of question is that?)  My answer: No, why?  The Cop: You have a broken tail light.  Me: I DO?  The Cop: Did you back into something?  My completely honest answer: Not TODAY...
Apparently the SIDE of one of my tail lights was cracked, the SIDE.
I told him I just woke up and got ready for work, and had no reason to perform a full vehicle inspection prior to getting in. 
He invited me to get out and look with him, which, in retrospect, was weird itself, because they usually shout: STAY IN THE VEHICLE, and KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!
With intent to avoid an unnecessary ticket, tazing, arrest, or other altercation, and put an end to our bizarre interaction (without raising suspicion), I walked around with him and let him point at the right tail light. 
We shared one special moment as I acknowledged that he sure was right!  Just like he said, some of the light cover was clearly broken off.  What a clever boy he was to notice!
I was being soooo uncharacteristically sweet that I would've been instantly lethal to any diabetic vampires that might have happened along. 
Then the Cop said I could just put some red tape over it, like he was doing me some kind of favor.  Like he thought maybe I was the kind of person who was really gonna go right out and spend money on a whole new car part.  I already know about tape.  It's been around for literally years, as have red markers.  And junk yards.  Also, had it been day, he would've noticed that the "broken" light was the most attractive feature on my minivan.
I thanked him (out loud) for drawing my attention to the non-problem, and for letting me in on the secret about the tape, and (not quite as out loud) for causing me to have to drive way over the speed limit the rest of the way to work so I wouldn't be late. 

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