J: My windows are boarded up and it's screwing with my sleep schedule!
R: Stop pretending your windows are boarded because of the hurricane, J. You know we do that because wood keeps vampires out because they know it can quickly be made into stakes to drive through their hearts.
J: Rme. I wanna see u "quickly" make a stake out of the sheet of wood over my window.
R: I CAN'T, J, but VAMPIRES don't know that, DO they?
J: Well YOU just put it over the internet, so now they DO
R: Oh, no. Now I have to prepare stakes and hang them on the plywood so we'll be ready. Woe is me (for real). Will there ever be an end to this vampire season?
J: U could just keep them inside with ur crossbow. If them AND the vamps are outside, how will u get to them?
R: ATTENTION all VAMPIRES and potential vampires and/or looters: OUR windows are boarded up on BOTH sides of the glass! So, there. And I just remembered that we also have a wooden bear MADE of wooden vampire-slaying stakes that we keep on continuous patrol in and around the house, and we sleep in SHIFTS, too, for obvious safety reasons.
S: lol... I want to live with you guys.
(the following morning)
Bear kept his faithful watch for vampires, looters, and/or vampire-looters while we safely slept.
R: @S. I thought you might want to see Bear and know that he does in fact keep us all safe.