Hardly Evil at All

I bet if you took all the evil people in the world and laid them end to end (but not in any dirty kind of way), you would be surprised to find that not one of them was Me.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

C Spire, ventexting, and Derrick B. Guess which one of these 3 things I HATE?

I occasionally receive texts from C Spire, encouraging me to earn  points, check out new apps, music, ringtones, phones, plans... My least favorite is the tempting me with "insurance."  Their "insurance" is worthless.  Knowing these messages are mass-sent, not personalized or monitored, I feel free to ventext about just how much I hate C Spire, using alI the best bad words I know.  *[DON'T JUDGE ME!]* Considering the amount of money this company has already taken me (a PREMIER level customer, no less!) for, my ventext therapy has been paid for many times over.
I was watching YouTube videos, waiting for a headache to STOP ALREADY, when I received an atypical text from my cell phone carrier.  Unfortunately, I was in no mood to rant.  But I can't NOT reply now, because it's traditional, so I replied with the first thing that popped into my head, prolly because of the dysfunctional relationship I enjoy with C Spire, and went back to watching videos until I met Derrick B.  The actual texts are pasted below, with commentary by Me, in my head.

9:13 pm
C Spire:  Due to your high data usage, you should switch to Wi-Fi when available until 07/04/2013 to avoid reduced data speeds. Thank you for choosing C Spire.

Me:  Stockholm Syndrome

C Spire:  Thanks for using TextCS: the convenient way to receive personalized answers to your service questions. One of our crew members will respond shortly!

Me (in my head!):  Sure you will.  Silly C Spire, with your silly tricks!

10:28 pm
(C Spire)  Derrick B: Thank you for contacting Cspire Wireless. This is Derrick, How may I assist you?
Sent via Personalized Wireless

Me (in my head!): WHUT's happening?? I have no idea what you're talking about, Derrick.

10:33 pm
(C Spire)  Derrick B: I have noticed that you have not responded in awhile   Please let me know if you still need assistance.
Sent via Personalized Wireless

Me (in my head!):  FIVE MINUTES = awhile??  It took you over an hour to get back to me... What if Derrick is a pretty nice guy that I'm projecting my feelings about his employer onto?  I'm glad I didn't go with my usual responses! Wonder if I owe him an apology... It's possible he never saw my text in the first place.  There's a list of phone numbers that is generated when that number is texted, and then Derrick texts back in the order in which he feels like it.

10:39 pm
(C Spire)  Derrick B: ?If you need further assistance, please text us back.  Thank you for being a valued C Spire Wireless customer. Please never text and drive.?

Me (in my head!):  Why did he say that?  Does Derrick think I text and drive?!  You don't KNOW ME, Derrick!  Also, that's Derrick's question mark, not mine.  I can't tell if he's asking me if I'm texting and driving right now, or a request to make a pledge with him now, via text, to never do so.?  He prolly DID see that Stockholm comment, and he's trying to get me riled up.  You're just messing with me now, huh, DERRICK?  If that even IS your real name!

(C Spire)  Derrick B: Text CS is a part of the suite of services/features CSpire offers to create a truly unique and personalized wireless experience.

Me (in my head!):  Yeah, if by UNIQUE, you mean erratically unpredictable and undependable.   Another thing, Derrick and C Spire, what's up with the textmarketing after 9 pm?  I believe that's in direct violation of several rules.  You'll be hearing from my lawyer, Derrick!  Because she's single.  (And you might be cute.)

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