Lost (and FOUND!) in Translation: Unexpected Treasures of Online Shopping

I was just looking for a specific pant.  Thanks to Six Degrees of China, I got so much more.
These are real, cut & pasted item descriptions, exactly as found today.  (and that's ME talking in the parentheses) 

Retro Single-Breasted High Waist Narrow Feet Pants Denim Women's 
(You probably think this is a one-strap overall.  You're wrong.  It's jeans.)

Stylish Flower Decorated Broken Hole Hot Pants Women's Denim Shorts
(Excuse me, miss, do you have anything that will make these darn broken holes look stylish?)

Double-Breasted High Waist Jeans Women's Pencil Pants
(Finally!  A pant that will accommodate even the most extremely sagging bosoms!)

(Just when I thought the fun was over, BAM!)
Casual Slimming Fit Flanging Ripped Women's Skinny Jeans
(Damn, girl.  Them jeans are FLANGin'!)

(This is NOT a link to naked pictures!)
http://www.everbuying.com/Wholesale-Chinese-Women-Undressing.html
(I told you it wasn't!)

Korean style white jeans female beggar pants trousers slim style hole points
(There are about a hundred pictures of a skinny girl wearing these pants.  I hope proceeds go for homeless relief, and maybe a sandwich for that poor girl.)

Interesting Electronic Remote Control Mouse Toy for Trick/Playing with Cat (Brown)
(Sure, brown cats like it.  But is it interesting enough for my much smarter yellow cat?)

Lovely Robotic Hungry Eating Dog Coin Piggy Bank
(Is it a lovely, hungry, bank shaped like a pig that eats dogcoins?  Whatever the actual product turns out to be, there's at least one good, free bonus, Haiku in it.)
  
Silicone Pumping Toilet Stand Holder for Mobile Phone/MP4/iPhone 5/4S/4 - Green
(Looks like a standard bathroom plunger to me.  Use it to hold your phone while you use the bathroom, and leave it handy, to make yuck go down when it don't want to.)

Me: Didn't buy a thing.  Still the most satisfying online shopping experience EVER.