Hardly Evil at All

I bet if you took all the evil people in the world and laid them end to end (but not in any dirty kind of way), you would be surprised to find that not one of them was Me.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Hair Bows, or MORE!

I had to cut that hair to get it out of her eyes at only 2 months!  No hot-gluing bows to bald headed babies in my house.  Somebody sure made some $$$ in those days selling double-sided tape to people who, for reasons I never quite understood (even BEFORE I had an infant of my own who appeared at times to be inexplicably wearing an Elvis wig), REALLY felt a NEED to have something super-girly adorn the heads of baby girls back then (Pain, Expense, and Inconvenience be damned!).
I would've thought that the widespread prevalence of ruffled Jessica McClintock prairie frocks and staunch commitments to dress girls only in varying shades of pink would be enough.
Dear Christopher Lloyd and Michael J. Fox,
Please Delorean-deliver the following message to "those" parents asap, meaning approximately twenty years ago.

Dear Mothers of Bald-Headed Baby Girls borned in the late eighties and early nineties,
It's what INSIDE that counts, you idiots!  Infancy is waaaaay too early to give your daughters the message that they need to go to extremes, and alter their appearance, in intricate, even painful at times, ways in order to be accepted, ESPECIALLY by her PARENTS!
Now, go take a good long look at yourownself in the mirror.  Are you satisfied with what you see there?  Did you answer YES?  You did?  Good.  I just wanted to establish that you are in fact a LIAR, and your pants, if you're wearing any, are likely to be ablaze.  Dial 911, if it has been invented yet.  Either way, Stop, Drop, and Roll IMMEDIATELY so as to protect the rest of your family, belongings, home, and neighborhood.
If you are not ONE HUNDRED PERCENT pleased by the reflection in the mirror, haul out your ridiculous collection of baby head glue, tape, and ornaments and apply them to your OWN head until satisfied that you are looking mighty good.
Have someone take a picture of you like this.  Then take (or mail) that roll of film for processing.  In 2 to 4 weeks, when the pictures are developed and returned to you, see if you STILL think you looked awesome.to the max.  If you TRULY DO, then proceed to decorate your infant in any manner you like.  But, if not, give that poor baby a break, and stop taping and gluing things to it!
Thank you,
The Future
P.S. why don't you take up doll-making or some other crafty pastime?  After all, a baby is a baby only a while, but a DOLL (and that picture of YOU, unless you destroyed it!) is FOREVER.

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