Hardly Evil at All

I bet if you took all the evil people in the world and laid them end to end (but not in any dirty kind of way), you would be surprised to find that not one of them was Me.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Things I'm afraid (or worse) of:

1.   Snakes
2.   Rabid animals
3.   Being wrongfully convicted of a crime
4.   ALL REAL LIVE monkeys (including chimps, gorillas, orangutans, and even the small standard cheap monkeys that zoos have thousands of, and even the baby monkey offspring of any of the above).  Someday, you may get to know the origin of this very real fear. 
5.    Animals I don't know personally, because they might be rabid (see #2)
6.   Seagulls, because they poop right on you, especially if you feed them
7.   Insomnia and/or nightmares
8.   Touching my food unless I'm at home, no matter how clean I know my own hands are.
9.    Being hospitalized (see #10)
10.  Becoming so used to dealing with acute on chronic bouts of severe pain that I could develop sepsis or other irreversible conditions by waiting too long to seek treatment.
11.  Developing dementia
12.  Worsening of Acute Adult Onset Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
13.  Losing the Love of my Life (today, tomorrow, OR even when we're old)
14.  Cancer (this one's universal, I would think)
15.  STDs. This is the topic of my upcoming, not at all controversial, educational program directed to pre-pubescent children, and continuing through high school and college. 
Working title: STDs*
Put DOWN that penis!
Seriously, Put it down.  You DON'T know WHERE-ALL it's BEEN!
16.  Drowning.  I canNOT swim at all, so it wouldn't take much water. (Editor's note to potential bloggerssassins: THIS one is a carefully contrived LIE, intended to mislead you.) (Blogger's note to potential bloggerssassins:  EDITOR is a filthy liar, and SHE's the one who actually CAN'T SWIM!  Plus, she told me she hates you!)
17.   Driving off a bridge or getting caught in flooded road and floated to larger body of drowning-water (see #16)
19.   Developing Dementia
And last, but not least:
20.   Worsening of Acute Adult Onset Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
21. And SNAKES!

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