Arson should be illegal, and it probably is.

Well, Shell-Frie, YOU don't get to tell ME who I can and canNOT threaten on Facebook! At least, not if you still want that Amateur Arson Kit I'm making you for Christmas. P.S. For anyone who's interested in purchasing one of these kits from me, OR if you are the Police, let me assure y'all that it's not a REAL arson kit, just a novelty type decorative gift with absolutely NO capacity whatSOever of creating a single spark, much less an act of ACTUAL arson, which is both morally wrong AND highly illegal in most parts of the United States, even in the WaaaaayDownSouth! Additionally, even though it's COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY, we include a quite powerful fire extinguisher in every kit! Also included: an assortment of one hundred reminder magnets and post-its to place all around your home. They fit in beautifully with most home decor, and feature the number to 911, so you'll be ready in case you are the type to panic when you need the number! We do NOT provide smoke detectors. That is YOUR own responsibility as a consenting adult. Unless you aren't an adult in the first place. We REFUSE to sell to minors, on principle. On second thought, if you ever experience a REAL fire threat, FIRST grab the nearest post-it or magnet on your way out of your house or tent! Unless you're nekkid, in which case grab the closest thing to cover up with first. If you're single and looking, always wear flattering lingerie to bed, just in case, but particularly if you have a "premonition" that you may need rescuing at any particular time. There are even Fire Fighter Pimp Specialists (no, not THAT kind of pimp) who can somehow manage to obtain the work shift schedules for your local fire department, with quite reasonable fees, or so I've heard. Obviously the best time for these "premonitions" is when your favorite's on the truck! Invest in those real firefighter calendars (local ones). And, should you be planning a move, check the firefighter situation before investing any money on it. I'm too sleepy now to go all back to the beginning and remember why I wrote this. Good day to you all, sirs and madams. And Good NIGHT to Me.