Hardly Evil at All

I bet if you took all the evil people in the world and laid them end to end (but not in any dirty kind of way), you would be surprised to find that not one of them was Me.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

(sing the title for a more enjoyable experience) I Believe in Miracles- Where ya From, You Sexy Thang?

I finally bought a cheap full-length mirror last week.  It's been a while since I was forced to take the full inventory, y'know?
It was labeled DOOR MIRROR, but it didn't come with any way to hang it or anything, so I propped it in the most convenient corner in the bathroom.
And that's when I started to believe in miracles again, because in that mirror, at that angle, I look freaking fantastic!  I know it's an illusion, but I don't care.  As long as I stand in front of it, I am thinner, taller, and leggier then I've ever been in my life!
I look so good in this mirror that I force others to come to my bathroom so they can see how good I look, too.  I'm tempted to have photo sessions in there, and wonder if I should paint the room first. 
This mirror makes me look so good that Underwear Model seems like a reasonable career option.  It's done more for my self-esteem in a few days than any self-help book ever did.
Unless you are already completely satisfied with your body's proportions, I highly recommend you rush out immediately and purchase the cheapest door mirror at Target like I did.  Don't run with it, though.  For safety, you should treat all forms of glass like scissors.  Except, don't try to use shards of it for arts and crafts or sewing.  That would be both just plain stoopid, and financially irresponsible.  Unless you land the modeling contract first, you can't afford the Bandaids and Bactine that you'd need.  Scissors are TWO DOLLARS.  If you don't have any, I recommend you get scissors before buying a mirror, thus removing the temptation to cut your own bangs with mirror shards.
Anyways, don't be surprised if you see some very attractive pictures of me in my new mirror soon!

P.S. THIS is the only disclaimer. The photos will not contain separate disclaimers.  If you miss it, it's on you.


  1. Um, can I borrow your mirror? -Stripes

    1. If by BORROW, you mean take turns looking at yourself in it, then, Yes, by all means!


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