Meet Reluctant Farmer

Dear Martha Stewart,

HELP!!!
Approximately 32 bazillion (a little over half a container) of these "glass seed beads" spilled between the bed and nightstand. 
My question is, how long do I have to prepare- before the crops start coming in?  Also, now that I've become a Reluctant Bead Farmer, do I have to water them, or will they automatically absorb the correct amount of moisture from the environment?

Sincerely,
A Reluctant Bead Farmer

P.S.  PLEASE tell me that these are the kind of beads that grow on neatly harvest-able vines!!!

Tentative title for tentative family autobiography

How Hunters Accidentally Created a Gatherer:  The True* Story of the Goats of Christmas Past
*Although I'm pretty sure it wasn't actually Christmas, I AM one hundred percent certain it was goats.

New Year's Revelations

It's kind of too late now, seeing as how G1 is off to college later this year.  I am quickly running out of opportunities to casually instill not-quite-normal "totally normal" ideas, habits, and traditions in my group of captive (so to speak), susceptible, highly moldable, human specimens.  Because it will make their adult lives more interesting.
Thanks a lot, Father Time, for bringing it up again, really.  "Happy" New Year, Time Daddy!
P.S.  This is kind of why that nursing home you are headed for is gonna suck.