Hardly Evil at All

I bet if you took all the evil people in the world and laid them end to end (but not in any dirty kind of way), you would be surprised to find that not one of them was Me.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

The Prequel to Not in My Neighborhood, in texts (beginning FRIDAY Night)

ME: You can shower and then I'll get my bath & whoever can will pick up Whodunit (from late field trip). Be keerful. I came really close to getting hit hard on my side earlier when I was by myself. Was scary.

HIM:  Sounds good.
Whodunit and I almost got creamed the other day.

ME:  I Love and I hate that we have so much non-material treasures to lose.

(Flash forward to Saturday afternoon)

ME:  Going in now to see Stripes. Love you. (have to leave phone in car)

HIM:  I Love You!

(a few hours later that same day)
ME:  Leaving now. I love you.

HIM:  Ok. Please be careful.

(later that same day again)(because I don't text while I drive)
ME:  I am. Train was blocking road, finally it's moving. I was looking for alternate routes. TGFGPS!

(a few minutes later that same day AGAIN)
ME:  Oh my God, it's slowing DOWN AGAIN. effing trains

(a little later, again, nothing to wash down my Rapid Release Tylenol and caffeine pill for a mild headache rapidly threatening to become a migraine)
ME:  I coulda BUILT a Wendy's to make my own damn frosty & fries by now.

(a little later again, again)
ME:  Ok, it's TWO TRAINS. Guess they forgot to throw the switch or check the schedule again.

HIM:  You're so funny
(note: I was NOT laughing. Or joking, and did not reply.)

(a good deal later that same day, from driveway)
ME:  Home
(see, short and sweet, because of being hungry, thirsty, headachey, and glad to be home)

HIM:  Yay. I'm bout to leave (work-he misses me when we're apart, apparently)

(following the altercation with the old lady while checking the mailbox)
ME:  You might wanna move the garbage can to where the neighborhood Nazi prefers it.

HIM:  What're you talking about?

ME: (silence) (because I was gonna tell him all about it when he got home in a few minutes!)

Followed by an unnecessary phone call to explain when all I wanted to do was take my RRT & caffeine pill and eat my cinnamon toast because I hadn't eaten since morning and I kept having to push it back down in the toaster so it would be warm enough to spread without needing to microwave it. Especially because the microwave had sustained a controlled burn involving a leftover Olive Garden breadstick while I was away.
And I DID finally end up microwaving my toast.  (It turned out fine.)

1 comment:

  1. Don't let the neighborhood nazi win!!! -Stripes

    ReplyDelete

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