I find myself at work tonight, wondering why I am here. My ridiculously outrageous, MakesNoSenseAtAll, assignment is about to become even more so.
My brain's Rational and Emotional centers re-enact a debate involving the legal ramifications of my just walking out NOW versus finishing THIS ONE LAST SHIFT and NEVER COMING BACK AGAIN EVER, AND THIS TIME I MEAN IT! When did that argument become CONSTANT instead of occasional?
I feel my heart beating so much harder and faster than is healthy. I recognize once more that this place is killing my body, and faster than I deserve. I try not to think about what it's doing to my Soul.
I decide to stick it out tonight. I am better than this place. I am better than this job. I am stronger, and I am worth so much more than they think. But, when I leave in the morning, I really WON'T come back.
I hear a reassuring hum, and feel the gentle presence of a warm hand lying casually across my waist. I realize my eyes feel a bit gritty, and reach for the contact solution on the nightstand to refresh them.
Although I'm pretty sure this old mattress would lose in a comfortability contest with most lawns, that's my One True Love beside me. We may not OWN a roof over our heads anymore, but there IS one.
I'm hoping these particular flashback nightmares become less frequent, but I'm relieved that they're only nightmares now, instead of Real Life.
*...Sometimes, you have to Quit before you can Win.